gina sares

What The Giver gave me

2010-01-27T21:49:00.009-05:00

In sixth grade, I read the book The Giver for Mrs. Grey's English class. I remember being so enthralled by the story -- 12-year-old Jonas lives in a seemingly perfect world; a world without pain, hunger, heartache, or burnt toast. But in this "perfect" world, there is also no music, no color, and no love. At the Ceremony of Twelve, Jonas learns his fate: he is chosen to be the next Receiver of Memory -- the one member of the community who holds all the memories and thoughts of the "real" world. Soon, Jonas must decide whether to stay in his community of Sameness, or make a dangerous escape from this world.

As a young student, I loved this story. Jonas' world amazed me. Even though it was so different from the world I knew, I found so much relevance in his experience. From The Giver I learned that it was okay to question society, that it's normal for parents and children not to always understand each other, and that, even though there is a lot of pain in this world, there is also so much beauty.

I have kept that very copy of The Giver with me for years, and read it almost annually throughout high school and into college. It meant so much to me and was such a part of my growing up.

What I didn't know about The Giver was that, when I first read it, it was considered very controversial. Just a few years after I read it for middle school, it was ranked number eleven in the American Library Association's list of most challenged books of the 1990s. It's hard to believe that this book, which I valued so highly, was being requested to be removed from schools and libraries.

According to the ALA's website, one of the most common reasons for challenging books is due to "sexually explicit content." Yet, while this is a reason for removing the materials, the Center for Disease Control says that by 9th grade, one third of high school students have already engaged in sexual activity. One in four girls are sexually abused by the age of 18; one in six boys are abused by age 18. And those numbers only reflect the cases that are reported.

Other reasons for challenged books include offensive language, violence and content "unsuited for the age group."

Unfortunately, today's children are dealing with heavy issues, many of which are unsuited for their age group. Why would we restrict our children's opportunity to discuss the challenges that they deal with every day in the real world? As parents and adults, it is our duty to protect our children's need to explore, question and discuss serious issues in the safety and structure of educational institutions.

In 100 Banned Books, Pastor Fred Ohler is quoted as saying, "Why is immorality seen only as profanity and sexuality in Steinbeck, Salinger, or Kantor, and the larger issues of grinding poverty and social misjustice, of adult hypocrisy, of war camp atrocities never faced? To read the Bible as some folks read The Grapes of Wrath would be like going through the Gospels and only seeing tax collectors, wine-bibbers and Mary Magdalene."

With this quote, we learn what Jonas, in The Giver, learns -- there is much destruction and injustice in the world, but there is also much beauty and hope. As parents, it's our job to guide our children through the world's challenges, and to teach them to find joy in its pleasures.

Rather than threatening to remove critical discussion from the classroom, let's become a part of it. Read what your children read, listen to their thoughts, and bring challenging discussion from the classroom to the dinner table.

start with an inch, gain a mile

2009-07-01T21:17:00.008-04:00

An empty page is an intimidating thing. In fact, I'd say it's close to a writer's worst nightmare. (The only thing worse being that someone finds and shares your hidden stash of unfinished, unedited works -- Oh please, don't judge my talent on those!)

I can't tell you how many times I've crept onto this blog and shuddered upon seeing that my last post was written so long ago. And, as more time passed, my expectations for my next entry only grew. Not that anyone anticipated my blog comeback, but I secretely wanted it to be a triumphant return.

When I think of empty pages and the neurosis they cause even among the most confident of writers, I can't help but think of Anne Lamott's bird by bird. This book is an amazing resource for any writer; a down-to-earth, yet poignant resource for learning how to write. And, by "how to write" I don't mean where to put the commas or how to split a runon sentence. Lamott begins with the deepest basics of writing -- how to extract thoughts, visions, and experiences and simply get them on the page.

Sounds easy, doesn't it? I mean, we share our thoughts and experiences in verbal words every day. But there's something about writing it. What permanency! Suddenly, there's an unstated committment to the words you have shared; an understanding that what was once completely yours, nestled in the comfort of your head, is now on public display, vulnerable to criticism from anyone who reads it.

In the book, Lamott shares her solution: a one-inch empty frame. With each new writing assignment, she would tell herself that all she had to do was write enough to fill in that frame. By confronting a smaller beginning, she found a way to look past her fears and jump into her work. Sure, the first few paragraphs would be horrible, but they would lead to some of her best writing.

"Almost all good writing begins with terrible first efforts. You need to start somewhere. Start by getting something -- anything -- down on paper." (Ann Lamott, bird by bird)

In my life as a writer, I can easily relate to Lamott's struggle with the empty page; the challenge of wanting to create something that is worthy of being created... and appreciated. But I believe that all humans recognize this struggle. How many times have you delayed starting something because of how you feared it may end?

Whether it's a long-awaited manuscript, a phone call to an old friend, or a new healthy beginning, narrow your vision to the simple task of getting started. Your first effort may be a little shaky, but that small inch frame could become a window to something greater than you imagined.

on being phenomenal

2008-07-10T14:24:00.011-04:00

For a long time I have struggled with one majorly praised virtue--not in the sense that I didn't have it, but rather that the amount I did have was often overcompensating. I could never seem to balance just the right amount of humility.

In my 25 years of existence, I've accomplished a lot to be proud of. Yet, the thought of listing every accomplishment in this entry seems unneccessarily self-centered and arrogant. Why is that? Why is it that people like myself feel so uncomfortable sharing their victories? I think part of it is a fear of resentment and jealousy. We become so afraid of seeming arrogant that we sacrifice a celebration of who we are and what we've accomplished.

I believe that women in particular have a hard time with humility. We don't just use it, we let it use us; we roll around in it until every dirty speck covers us completely and even we can't distinguish who we are anymore. After all, there's nothing worse than a haughty and arrogant woman, right? So we learn to sheepishly shrug and deny any compliment with an ounce of sincerity so that we never appear to be too sure or absorbed in ourselves.

With the help of Maya Angelou, I'm learning to come out of my shell of humility. Her words in the poem "Phenomenal Women" constantly inspire me to be proud and sure of who I am, and to not be sorry for it:

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies
I'm not cute or built to suit a model's fashion size
But when I start to tell them
They think I'm telling lies.
I say
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips
The stride of my steps
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman
That's me...

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say
It's in the click of my heels
The bend of my hair
The palm of my hand
The need for my care.
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman
That's me.

Angelou's poem teaches us to shine and to have pride in the things that make us phenomenal. It's not about being self-centered or knocking others down, it's about being so comfortable in our own skin that we undeniably love who we are. We don't have to shout our pride from the rooftops, but we do have to own it and wear it like an unmistakable power suit.

Humility, to an extent, does have its place. But it should never absorb us, or debilitate our drive to celebrate ourselves and our accomplishments. It's okay to be beautiful. It's okay to be strong. It's okay to be smart. And it's okay to admit it--unabashedly.

What makes you phenomenal?

write from within

2008-07-02T14:46:00.001-04:00

A few days ago I found out that my favorite author is coming to Toledo. Isabel Allende will be here in April 2008 as part of the Toledo-Lucas County Public Library's Authors! Authors! series. Even though the event is about ten months away, it's been hard for me to contain my excitement. I can't believe that I will get to listen, see, and possibly speak with an amazing author whose books have continued to challenge, inspire, and, at times, consume me.

The funny thing is that I don't know much about Isabel Allende--at least not on a personal level. I know she is Chilean but fled from Chile. I know she is somehow related to Salvador Allende, who was the president of Chile. I know she has an American husband, a daughter named Paula, and maybe a son, and that she is now an American citizen. That's about it. I couldn't tell you anything else about her history or biography.

Yet, at the same time, I feel like I know Isabel Allende. I feel I understand her on an intimate level even though we've never met, simply because I have experienced her humor, her style, her values in her written work. Whether the work was fiction, nonfiction, or somewhere in between, her distinct voice was evident, and through it I was able to get yet another peek of who she is as a person.

For those of us who write, we know just how hard it can be to open ourselves up and share ourselves with an audience, especially a critiquing audience. We shudder at the thought of our most intimate thoughts and dreams under the scrutiny of someone else's red ballpoint pen. Yet, if we want to be great writers, we can't shield ourselves from our readers. We can't hold back the intricacies of who we are to protect ourselves from possible criticism.

Great writing--in any genre--comes from the soul. It comes from the innermost parts of our being: the overbearing parts we instinctively hide from acquaintances before we're sure that they like us; the quircky, silly parts that seep out in a midnight chat with an old friend; the twisted, complex parts we journal daily to discover. If we don't dig deep enough into our writing to plant these personal elements, our work is nothing but a hollow story with no life within it.

It may seem silly for me to feel like I know someone I've never met, but isn't that truly the mark of a gifted writer? Great writing does more than teach people or tell a story; it connects humanity by sharing universal experiences. How will you ever connect with your readers if, by the back cover, they still don't know who you are?

my friends are my energy

2008-06-24T11:50:00.007-04:00

"When I find myself fading, I close my eyes and realize my friends are my energy."

This week hasn't turned out exactly how I hoped it would. Although it's only the second day of the week, it seems that every day has brought on bad news, and I can't help but wonder what tomorrow will bring. I'm not sure if it's just me, but when things like this happen I tend to retreat into my own bubble. I don't feel like stepping out of my comfortable seclusion and trying to be social. But today that wasn't an option. I had already scheduled a one-to-one meeting with someone for morning coffee.

Although I wasn't very excited about putting on a happy face and trying to get to know someone new, I have to admit that the moment she walked in, I immediately felt better. Her bubbly, happy personality made it nearly impossible to stay upset, or to even think about the things that had been bothering me. I was swept up in her positive energy and genuinely felt like my normal self again.

I have always believed in the Spanish proverb, "Dime con quien andas, y te dire quien eres."-- "tell me who you walk with, and I'll tell you who you are." It's the common belief that the people you surround yourself with are a reflection of who you are as a person. But when I left my one-to-one this morning, I realized that there is more to it than that. Friends don't just reflect who you are, they contribute to who you are and remind you of who you are. In a way, you feed off the energy that your friends provide, whether it be good or bad.

Sometimes this is evident in my life just by the types of friends I seek with different experiences. For instance, if something bad has happened and I'm looking for comfort, I know which of my friends I should call. If something funny has happened that I want to share, I know which of my friends would appreciate the story most. That's not to say that I don't share other experiences and feelings with those friends; but rather, that they all have different personalities and energies. When a particular part of me feels drained, I know exactly which one of my friends is best suited to make me feel whole again.

Although I am admittedly an introvert, I'm sure that when things get tough, all of us have a tendency to retreat into the darkness of our own cave. When this happens, recognize it, and force yourself to step out of your comfort zone and call up a good friend. Many times, you don't even have to tell your friend about the situation; just being with them will help lift your spirit and make you feel like yourself again.

mothers

2008-05-14T22:08:00.007-04:00

mothers

mothers never know
the impact of their hands
when they sweep loose hair
from our hidden eyes
and prod us forward
with a gentle nudge.

they never know
the power of their lips
when they kiss away
bruises and worries,
and call us by name
miles from home.

mothers never know
the resonance of their words,
the intensity of their eyes,
the warmth of their smiles,
and the strength of their beings,
which raise not a child
but a generation.

and we, in the footsteps of our mothers,
never know the depth of it all
until we each become one.

gina sares

a smile for your family

2008-04-18T20:23:00.002-04:00

“If you have only one smile in you, give it to the people you love. Don't be surly at home, then go out in the street and start grinning 'Good morning' at total strangers.”
-Maya Angelou

It is often easy to take for granted those things that are constant in our lives. We forget just how much we love or need something until a special circumstance gives us a gentle, or sometimes forceful, reminder. Consider how much more we suddenly love the softness of our own bed after a week’s worth of traveling, and how much more we love the sunshine of early spring, while the trace of the long, bitter winter is still in our minds.

Unfortunately, this tendency usually extends past our possessions and into our most important relationships, especially with our family members. It’s not that we don’t love our family; it’s not that we don’t care about our family; it’s not that we wouldn’t drop everything else in a moment’s notice if our family truly needed us. The problem is the day-to-day remembering to make the effort to show love and appreciation for these people.

In the “real” world, as we go to work, church or networking events, we always find the energy to make the effort to smile to those we meet. We put on our best faces to greet people we barely know, making a good impression and encouraging a positive relationship. Yet, after a long workday, we can barely muster a smile, a hug, or a thank you for our families when we’re not in the right mood.

Our families have seen us at our best and worst moments. They know what we look like before a morning shower washes away our nightly imperfections. They know what we sound like when we laugh, cry, nag, and argue. They know us, inside and out. When people know us that well, it’s easy not to make an effort to be nice or loving when we don’t feel like it, especially when we know they’ll still love us if we don’t.

The dedication and unconditional love of our families shouldn’t be an excuse not to make the extra effort to show them how much they mean to us. If anything, it should be one of the many reasons why we should. Strengthening our relationships with our family members takes a conscious decision to do and give more than what is expected, even when we don’t feel like it.

So, at the end of a long day, when all you can muster is one, simple smile, give it to those who need it and appreciate it the most: your family.

preserving simple pleasures

2008-02-20T14:54:00.010-05:00

Sometimes, with the craziness of everyday life, it can be really easy to forget just how good we have it. Life is a beautiful assortment of great thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Sure, there are some negatives thrown into the mix, but they truly are outnumbered by our blessings.

In many cases, it's the littlest thing that has the potential to open our eyes to appreciate just how lucky we are. Preserving these pleasures in writing can be therapeutic, and reading the list over during stressful times can be a gentle reminder of the good things that surround us.

Your list doesn't have to be as cheesy as Julie Andrews', but it should consist of things that are pure and genuinely fill you with happiness and gratitude. Here are just a few random favorites from my list of things I love:

receiving handwritten letters
watching polar bears belly flop into the water at the zoo
bright red gerbera daisies
wearing unique, handmade jewelry
the sound of our Hawaiian wooden chime
hugs from my little brothers
the smell of bonfires on cool summer nights
my great-aunt Isa's Cuban accent
everything about apple season
a smiling stranger who holds the door open

What are some of the simple pleasures you love? When you've had a long and stressful day, take time before bed to make a brief list. I guarantee you'll feel much more relaxed before nodding off and much happier and rejuvenated in the morning.

deferring dreams and other good things

2008-01-04T16:02:00.001-05:00

Harlem [A Dream Deferred]

Langston Hughes

What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up

like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--

And then run?

Does it stink like rotten meat?

Or crust and sugar over--

like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags

like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

The first time this poem spoke to me was my sophomore year of college, while reading "A Raisin in the Sun" by Lorraine Hansberry. This poem is the introduction -- the first glimpse the reader has before stepping into the life of the play. Although I had no idea how the theme of Hughes' poem would unfold throughout the story, I was touched with the way this poem speaks of a universal human tendency.

For me, the most influential word of the poem is the word "defer." Hughes does not wonder what happens to a dream that is forgotten, attempted, or silenced. He asks what happens to a dream that is deferred. As humans, we tend to postpone everything in our lives: our payments, our decisions, our responsibilities, all the hard things that we would like to forget about. We gain temporary sanity and relaxation in being able to put off dealing with the negative aspects of life.

But, what is interesting to me about this poem, is that Hughes is speaking about something positive -- dreams, which have been described by Cindy Williams as "the soul's pantry." Hughes is talking about one of the best elements of life -- real life. Dreams are what give you a sense of who you truly are and of what you are meant to accomplish in this world. They are what make your blood pump feverishly at just the thought of their fulfillment. Hughes is not talking about a negative problem everyone wishes to avoid; he is talking about one of the most beautiful and promising elements of life.

With this poem, Hughes opens my eyes to see how we as humans tend to put off even those things which are positive. We postpone our dreams, our happiness, our success, and even good moments in our life because we are so consumed with the negative or because we are too busy to realize their importance. Then, as more time goes by, those good things go bad from our absence, and it becomes harder to claim those positive things and bring them back to the way they once were. Perhaps it is a friendship lost from lack of communication, or a spiritual life that has dwindled by putting off another Sunday at church.

What kind of positive things in your life have you been putting off? Make a decision today to nurture that dream, relationship, talent, passion -- whatever it is that breathes happiness and vitality into your soul. These are the things that make life worth living. Why defer them another minute?

new life

2007-12-08T10:03:00.001-05:00

There's nothing more exciting in life than the birth of a new baby. This week, I had the pleasure of welcoming my first nephew into this world. After hours of sitting in the waiting room, wandering through the hospital halls, and looking up in anticipation every time the maternity ward door opened, the time finally came. We walked into the dim, quiet room and gazed at the newest addition of our family.

When it was my turn to hold him, I watched him carefully and was amazed at how big he already seemed. Even though he had tiny knuckles and soft, baby skin, his face seemed like that of a little man. Already I was wondering what he would look like at 7 or at 20, and what kind of person he would grow into.

For me, the funny thing is knowing that we all started out this way. All of us began as little babies, with people marveling at our tiny bodies, wondering what kind of person we'd be. We were surrounded with love, happiness, hope and pride, and all of it was ours, just for being born. We didn't have to earn it or prove that we deserved it. People thought that we were a miracle just because we were there.

Yet, for some reason, as we get older, this is forgotten. We become trained to constantly prove ourselves to others, to show them that we deserve all the good things that were ours the moment we were born. We are constantly trying to justify who we are to ourselves and others. Eventually, we become full of doubt and frustration, wondering if we are good enough and worried that we won't live up to expectations.

Imagine what would happen if we all had the chance to look at ourselves as a little baby. Our eyes would be opened to a fresh perspective of who we are and what we are capable of. There would be no disappointment or judgment, only happiness and hope. We would be amazed at ourselves and eager to see the person we will become.

When we see ourselves from this perspective, we realize that we don't have to always justify who we are. We don't have to prove we are good enough, smart enough or strong enough. These things are a given. Acknowledging this is what fills us with all the warm, positive feelings we have when we observe new life. Like my little nephew, all of us are a miracle just because we are here. Whether we are 2 days old or 20 years old, we are a promise waiting to be fulfilled; we should be eager and hopeful to see what we will become.

Colt James Sutphin

December 7, 2007

the truth about reading

2007-11-20T12:57:00.001-05:00

As an English Literature major, it always breaks my heart to hear that some people don't read. Although no excuse is ever good enough in my book, there is one instance I remember well that still makes me cringe. After admitting to me that he didn't read, the man told me that he didn't have time for it. There was no sigh, no sadness in his voice, no twinge of regret in his eyes. He said it as if people who read simply have nothing better or more important to do.

Since that moment, I have determined that people who say they have no time to read are either: 1. trying to assert that they are more important than they truly are, or 2. don't understand that time must be prioritized.

Everyone has time to read. Everyone. If you have time to watch TV, check your email, exercise, eat, go to the bathroom, sneeze, then you have time to read. It's not that you don't have time to read; it's that you don't make time to read. Like everything else you do, it must be made a priority. Books don't just hop on your lap like a puppy when you're resting at the end of the day. They don't nudge their wet nose under your hand until you give in and give them some attention. Books require planning; making the effort to get them from the store or library and setting aside time in your day to pick them up and read them.

The problem is that many people view reading as either a waste of time or a luxury, when it is really a necessity. Why? Well, to put it simply, reading means learning. When you stop reading, you stop challenging yourself to explore different worlds, improve your skills or discover new solutions. Your pool of knowledge becomes stagnant until your mind dries up completely like a cracked and dusty crater.

Now, I know that all of us are busy and, sometimes, it really can be hard to make time for reading. But once you recognize how important it is, devoting time for it becomes much easier. If you're new at it, start easy. Don't come back from the library with a bag full of books that are due in two weeks. Pick one, just one book that sounds interesting to you and find a half hour every day to pick it up and read it. Maybe it's while you're sitting at the breakfast table, or just as you've settled into bed for the night. Whenever it is, enjoy it and every little bit of knowledge that it brings.

making every word count

2007-11-12T14:37:00.002-05:00

I have to admit, I love the thrill of a word count requirement. Sounds geeky, I know, but it's true. This week, at the Point Place Writer's Group, I was given the assignment of writing a creative piece using the words "octopus" and "shades" in exactly 100 words. Not 99 words; not 101 words -- exactly 100.

While working on the assignment, I discovered that there is actual reasoning behind my strange love of word counts that involves more than just the excitement of a good challenge. The requirement of a specific word count means that I must be choosey. It trains me to raise the standard on every single word choice I make. If I only have 100 words to paint a picture, make an impression, or prove a point, I must make sure that every single word in that 100 is worthy of my use.

Imagine you are a chef who must make a signature dish with only 10 ingredients. Wouldn't you make sure that every ingredient you use is the best of the best? Only the best cut of meat, the freshest vegetables, and premium herbs would make it into your dish. With only 10 ingredients, having just one bad ingredient could make the whole meal suffer.

Well, that's the thing with a word count requirement. It trains you to be choosey. And, once you've been trained to be choosey, there's no going back. After all, why fill an article, a poem, or a story with one more word than you have to? Adding filler words to your work only dilutes the message and distracts your reader or listener from getting to the meat of what you want to communicate.

So, here's my challenge for you. Train yourself to be choosey with your words. Whether it's a memo, a love letter, or an email -- raise the bar on which words make the cut. It will strengthen your word choice, sharpen your message, and make it much easier on your reader to understand exactly what you are trying to say.

celebrate your opportunities

2007-11-06T13:22:00.000-05:00

Last week I saw the movie Evan Almighty for the first time. Although I have to say that it wasn't as good as the original, Bruce Almighty, it did have its funny and inspiring moments. One of my favorite quotes from the movie came from Morgan Freeman (God). He said:

"Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous?"

How amazing and eye-opening is that? Sometimes, it turns out that the very thing we are asking for we already own. It's just hidden; buried so deep under fear, doubt and insecurity that we've forgotten that it's already there, waiting for us to use it at the next opportunity.

Instead of dwelling on what we lack -- or, rather, what we think we lack -- we should seek and acknowledge the daily opportunities we have to bring out our best qualities. God doesn't zap us like superheroes with sudden strength. The patience is there. The courage is there. The confidence is there. He has already given us everything we need. It's our decision whether or not to use it.

Realizing that we already have all these great qualities opens our eyes to what we are really capable of. Sure, it won't always be easy to be patient, courageous or confident, but knowing we harbor these great characteristics helps us train ourselves to use them when we need them most. Just knowing our abilities helps us appreciate the immense power of choice we have in every situation we face.

Today, take a minute to recognize the opportunities that surround you. Trust in yourself and celebrate every chance you have to exemplify your strengths.

the secret to good writing

2007-10-30T17:59:00.001-04:00

Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader. Not the fact that it is raining, but the feeling of being rained upon.
-E.L. Doctorow

When I was in the 7th grade, I learned the secret to great writing. It had nothing to do with syntax, vocabulary, sentence structure or tone. The secret was one word. One single, solitary command to be adhered to like a strict diet if you ever wanted to be a great writer. The word? Describe.

If I learned everything perfectly the first time around, I guess I wouldn't have needed all those extra books and English classes that consumed my time throughout high school and college. But, at 13, I didn't quite understand the importance of my teacher's words when she said, "Don't tell me; show me." That, right there, is the key to great writing.

Anyone can tell a story, but not everyone can make you relive it. Great writing puts the reader in the shoes of the one who wrote it, experienced it, or dreamed it. As Doctorow says, it's not in telling the reader that it is raining, but rather making them feel the sensation of the rain.

As a writer, my job is not to make you think of rain, or remember the last time you felt rain, but to have you experience a specific rain -- my rain. Not the warm and gentle rain. Not the cool and refreshing rain. The kind of cold rain that bitterly pecks at the back of your exposed neck like a hungry crane. Yes, that kind of rain.

Writing, in essence, is all about communication; and the clearest form of communication comes with vivid and detailed description. So if you want to be a good writer, don't just write for the sake of telling a story. Write for the opportunity of sharing that story, so that everyone who reads it will feel and experience it as you have.